Your Christian Marriage Vows

Exchanging Christian marriage vows is just one of the many ways for you to create a meaningful ceremony.

The contemporary wording can be something that your minister provides. It can also be something that you and your fiance write together. If you are good with words, go ahead, write your own vows. They will be a lot more special to you than just repeating something that your minister tells you to say.

Either way, contemporary or traditional, make sure the Christian marriage vows you choose to take reflect your lifelong commitment to each other, with Christ as the Center of your marital union.

Many traditionalists within churches get hung up on the "do you promise to love, honor and OBEY?". A lot of old timers will insist on the bride promising to obey her husband.

Brides, if this is what you want in your ceremony and if you feel comfortable with it, then go ahead and include it in your wedding vows.

If not, CHANGE THE WORDING! If your minister won't allow you to, CHANGE YOUR MINISTER for the ceremony! Do not be forced into promising something you do not feel comfortable with just because your grandmother promised it.

My mother did the "love, honor, and obey" bit with my father. They fought constantly and he was always telling her what she had to do. He would throw the "you promised to obey me" routine in her face. No way was I going to go through that.

At my wedding, I did not feel at all comfortable promising to obey, so I changed it and it worked out great. My husband-to-be did not object. Of course, my minister was fairly young so he understood. I used the phrase "love, honor, and cherish."

Before you write your own vows, check with your minister to see if he is okay with it. If he is, he still may have some restrictions on what you are allowed to say in his church. If he does not approve and writing your own vows is important to you, find a new minister to marry you.

Remember that this is Your Special Day so you should be allowed to write your own Christian wedding vows if that is what you want to do.

If your parents and/or grandparents are traditionalist people, you would be wise in keeping this a secret until the wedding to avoid family fights.

Family fights due to weddings are common and explosive, not to mention ugly. Been there, done that. Avoid conflict at all cost. Don't ruin this special time of planning your wedding with fights that you can avoid.

Okay, so you and your fiance have decided to write your own words and it is okay with your minister. Great! Where should you begin?

Get a pad and a pen and your fiance. Sit down together and think back to the beginning of your relationship. Consider the following questions, and jot down notes:

Where and how did you meet?

Where did you go on your first date?

When did you first realize that you were in love?

What are some of your favorite things to do together?

How do you see yourselves in the future?

What do you hope to accomplish together in 10, 20, or 30 years?

What Bible passages and other books do you enjoy reading and sharing?

What do you enjoy talking about with each other?

Incorporate the answers to some of these questions in your Christian marriage vows.

Some couples each write a paragraph or so containing their statement of love and commitment and read it to each other during the ceremony.

Other couples write one together and break it into parts, taking turns reading it aloud during the ceremony, as in a play:

Bride:

Groom:

Bride:

And so on.

Incorporate Scripture, love poems, readings, and/or the words to a favorite lovesong along with your lifelong pledge of love and commitment.

Whatever you prefer is fine as long as you are committing yourself to your fiance (and he to you) in your Christian marriage vows.